"She kept putting her hands in her mouth all afternoon and I
kept telling her to stop." My babysitter said as I rounded the corner into
daycare to find my daughter covered in vomit and our day care provider mopping
her kitchen floor. "Then she told me her mouth hurt and the next thing I
knew she was vomiting. She never told me her stomach was upset!" "Oh,"
I said as I took the whole scene in. "I thought I told you. That is how
she tells you her stomach hurts. "
My daughter
started talking very young and since that time the statement "my mouth
hurts" has resulted in a quick dash to grab something for her to get sick
in and a great sense of dread for what lies ahead. It use to happen quite
frequently but since her system has finally regulated itself and she no longer
goes a week without having a bowel movement, we have gone 6 months without
hearing those dreaded words. So I had relaxed and forgotten to mention that one
piece of information to our new day care provider. And so, on a Thursday
afternoon, here I am face to face with a vomit covered sobbing child who
doesn't like to get dirty and doesn't like changing her clothes and an annoyed
day care provider who now has to spend her evening disinfecting her kitchen. Great.
I have spent her
whole life learning how to speak my daughter's language. Her mouth hurts
translates to stomach aches, something itching means that she is uncomfortable
in a situation and is in sensory overload. Sitting quiet and still means that the
room is too loud and she has stepped inward to manage her sensory input, which
is protesting. See there is a
unique problem when your child is so verbal that she has an adult's vocabulary
but cannot find the words to articulate her internal needs. The older she gets
the more I am beginning to think it has less to do with locating the correct
words and instead is connected with the fact that the descriptions we non- SPD
people use do not apply to how it feels in her body.
So the question
is, do you embrace her verbiage or do you correct it to be one that others
understand? Lately I’ve been thinking that I may just leave that decision up
to her. As her mother, I speak her native tongue and while that seems like a
foreign language to me, it is the one she was born with. In order to live and
support the life that is most uniquely hers, I must accept how she views and
talks about the world. I liken it to traveling abroad. As I prepared to travel
to Italy, I took the time to learn Italian. When I arrived, I was by no means
fluent but I was able to communicate. Part of this SPD journey has included
learning a new language and accepting it as equal to the one I speak. When the
time comes, I will let my daughter decide if she wants to learn how to
translate her thoughts into the native language of her peers or if she wants to
continue to speak in her own way and let in only others that support that
decision. In the mean time, I will keep translating for the adults around
her.
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