Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Eating on the edge...

Some people eat when they get stressed. I drink when I am stressed and eat when I am uneasy and can't quite put my finger on what is causing the feeling. For some reason, thousands of calories helps me locate the exact point of origin for that nagging feeling I am experiencing.

I deciphered the basis for my edge today as I was stuffing the last of the cookies in my face. People we know are getting divorced. Multiple couples, who appeared to have solid relationships, are calling it quits. We have danced at their weddings, celebrated their anniversaries and spent many a date night with them sharing dinner. Today we are picking who we get in the divorce. Worst of all, I have found out about all of them via Facebook. Someone has posted a picture and he/she is not wearing a wedding ring. One quick text later and my fear is confirmed. A quick march up to my husband's 3rd floor office and we check another couple off our list of potential double dates or someone to visit with our children.

Everything about this situation makes me feel old and unconnected to people I care about. Most of all, it makes me really sad. We have all been married long enough to be that broken and be that far beyond repair. We are separated by miles and stuff and we don't talk on a daily basis. Eventually, I find out about their milestones on Facebook and that triggers my date with anything resembling a sweet or a snack. In that moment, I wonder, how did we get here? This was never in the plans. What do we do now? I worry about my marriage on a daily basis but the truth is, hubs is stuck with me until the day he dies. I have told him that over and over again. I love him all of the time, like him nearly 100% of the time and most importantly, I refuse to share the kids. I don't share well. But as the couples around us crumble, we have to take a moment to pause, cling to each other a bit tighter and pray that one day we are not the ones sharing our tragedy with the world via a single Facebook picture.

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