tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42072891280691647262024-03-12T20:46:18.717-07:00Team BF SquaredBecky is a mother, wife, a teacher and an Irish singer. She lives in Western New York and spends her days soaking in life and learning how to balance it all. Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-69458301771269973432018-05-13T19:16:00.000-07:002018-05-13T19:16:32.103-07:00A Good Company, A Great Company and a Really Crappy One...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’d like to begin with an analogy…</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-7144b06f-5c6e-5c00-36bd-02771db7abbe" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let’s imagine for a second that you are having problem at work and you work for a good company. Your supervisor has identified your area or areas of weakness and it has become a big enough problem that it is now time to meet to discuss the next steps. I think we can all generally agree that a responsible employer will make a plan at that meeting. This plan will include steps to improve your performance and boost your confidence as an employee. The employer is invested in helping you become better at your position so that their product, business and output thrives.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now let’s imagine for a second that you are having a problem at work and you work for a really great company. Not only do they set up a meeting to help you improve using the resources that they have within the company, they might even send you outside of the office for further training and professional development that will strengthen you as a worker. You might even work for a company who gives you a mentor, who is with you from the first day. A mentor whose job is to help you be successful from the beginning, so that you never have to struggle and never have to feel failure. The mentor’s job is to see potential problems and give you the tools and support to help you avoid having these issues at all. These companies understand that a happy, supported, confident employee helps their business the most. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally, let’ imagine for a second that you are having a problem at work and you work for a crappy company. Your boss refuses to help you and you fail. Scared that you will be fired, you beg, in a pool of tears, for help. Then and only then, they might set an hour or two aside to help catch you up on what they “believe” you are missing. In this situation, you only receive help if you take it upon yourself to track it down on your own. Through reading, reaching out to colleagues, who you perceive to be more knowledgeable, and scouring the internet, you build your own path to success. For those employees who do not have the resources, ability, determination and understanding that help is available, being fired is in the foreseeable future. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now let’s extend this analogy to special education. Any parent of children with special needs can almost instantly agree that the special education system is the crappy employer. When the whole ideology to help children with physical and development difficulties is based on the “let them fail before we step in” mentally, there is a problem. When a child can have two moderate delays and a mild delay at the age of 5 and not be eligible for services because they are not in the right categories, that is a problem. When a school district isn’t willing to offer a child with multiple areas of delay including one severe, because the state penalizes districts that have too many children with special needs, that is an enormous problem. When I, as a parent, am being told by the special education committee that even though my child is still delayed, and behind her peers in multiple areas, she is improving and on the path to having age appropriate skills (not there yet!), and will no longer qualify for services, we have a problem. When her therapists, upon hearing that she is being “discharged” start sending me sheets of exercises to do start doing with her at home after she no longer gets to see them and are discussing which are the most important to do because the packet is the size of a small novel, we have a HUGE problem. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A friend of mine who has several children with special needs said to me, “I’ve never met a parent of a child with special needs who is truly happy with the service they are getting.” Here’s the thing, if those “happy with their services” parents existed, every parent of special needs children would move and put their children in that school. That is the sad truth. If we were doing what we needed for our special needs children, there wouldn’t be whole agencies dedicated to advocacy, law offices that specialize in special education litigation or enough Facebook support groups to fill your days with reading. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We are failing our children. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the most part it is not the teachers, the therapists or even the CSE chairs who are at fault. We have been blessed with therapists who have gone above and beyond for our child. They have attended trainings, scoured the internet for resources, given up vacation time and spent loads of their own money on therapy tools. As a teacher and as a parent I have sat through agonizing IEP meetings where the adults sitting around the table are trying to do what is right but are confined by laws that leave their “hands tied.” Who is tying their hands? How can we release them so they can do the right thing? So they can do what our children so desperately need them to do?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, like all things, it comes down to politics. When the Common Core was written, it was drafted by people who had spent more time outside of the classroom than in it. It was wrong and people boycotted. Seemingly out of nowhere, it appeared on politician’s flyers that landed in our mailboxes and became a topic of conversation on the radio and around the dinner table. As a teacher I was questioned about my views on the topic at parties, in doctor’s offices and at the grocery store. Now the next generation of the Common Core exists and the tests are being written using the advice and insight of teachers who actually stand in front of a group of students every day. They are not perfect but parents have managed to not let the issue fade from view and change is happening. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We need to do the same for special education. We, as parents of disabled and non-disabled children, need to rise up. We need to say it is inhumane to let our kids fail before we provide support. What life lesson are we teaching them? We need to make it known that penalizing districts for giving students IEP’s because they need help is wrong. We need to implore institutions of higher education to hire professors who may not have a PhD but have decades of teaching experience to teach their students. We need to push universities to include more in depth and extensive training in the field of special education for their teacher candidates. We need to vote people onto the local Boards of Education who will support more professional development in the area of disabilities for all adults who will work with children in the district. And we need to provide parents, caregivers, extended families of people with disabilities with easily accessible trainings, respite opportunities and support. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Most of all, we need to update and protect the laws applying to special education. Special education is a relatively new concept. The IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Act) was crafted in its original form in 1975. Not long before that children with disabilities were not even allowed to attend schools. The IDEA was a enormous leap for special education but that does not mean we should accept that it is the best we can get. We need to push local, state and federal representative to care about our children with disabilities like we do. We need to make it a campaigning point and make them want to fight for new evaluation measurements, disability qualifications and more. Disabilities span every race, creed and income. We need to do better for our children. Our education system needs to function like the great company. Our children are the employees and as their managers, we need to support them from the beginning, mentoring them so that they don’t have to fail and can be confident to go on and live productive, happy lives. If a parent of a non-disabled child was forced to deal with the system of hoops that a parent of a disabled child deals with on a daily basis, it would make the evening news. It would be newsworthy. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So on the eve of my daughter’s final IEP meeting and the beginning of my new role as service provider to her multiple moderate delays, I implore you to write your senators. To beg them to push for changes to special education law so that all children receive a fair and appropriate education regardless how great their delays are. A delay is a delay and the more time we spend in the early years helping them catch up, the farther they will fly when they are grown. </span></div>
<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-75627248472439892112018-04-26T17:48:00.002-07:002018-04-26T17:50:43.834-07:00Poem in My Pocket Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The Woman in the Mirror</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Some days I look in the mirror and I can’t recognize the woman I’ve become.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The sleepless nights and hours of worry lay wreck upon my skin.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I stand in front of my open closet, struggling with what to wear. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Everything I own is from my old life, my old me,</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It belongs to the girl I no longer see in my reflection.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-181b3a42-0490-a4c5-0749-137fd1cdb4fe" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Other days I get up and I can see my core.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The light inside shines brighter and stronger because of the path I trod.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">On those days I don my decade old clothes and walk with pride.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The new me loves and laughs and cries from the depths of my being.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I embrace life in deeper ways than the old me could have ever imagined.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Today I stand in front of the closet mirror and take a deep breath.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I speak out loud before I realize I am going to, “I am still me in all the right ways.” I say.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Like the clothes I wear, I am not current or new or shiny.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">But I am made from quality items, dependable and built to last. </span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I am just who I am supposed to be.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-26379166772758272322018-04-04T20:33:00.000-07:002018-04-04T20:41:36.982-07:00Happy 5th Birthday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
<br /></div>
<b>Two years ago a little girl stood in front of a milk based cake covered with milk chocolate M+M's. You had carefully chosen every aspect of that Mickey Mouse cake and were vibrating with excitement at the thought of eating it. We fed you a taco bar with cheese and spent our time taking pictures at angles that didn't show the bald spots in your hair. You didn't make eye contact with your guests and shied away from hugging your family, who just wanted to show their love in the best way that they knew how. Although I cannot seem to find the picture, the one of your peering over your cake, waiting for it to be cut, remains permanently etched in my mind for many reasons.</b><br />
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b>This picture sums up our experience. You are standing in front of something that was tearing your insides apart, which we fed you because we didn't know any better. But, because you went through that day, we were able to begin figuring out what was going on. We were able to begin the journey we needed to be on. We were able to ditch that lousy GI doctor, go with Dr. Colton's advice and watch you begin to thrive. Seven doctors, two IEP's and countless hours of therapies later, you are now turning 5. This weekend's party will be much different from that day. It will be milk free and completely "Sophie friendly." You will be able to handle hugs and talking to the countless relatives who love listening to your stories. If we are lucky, you might even perform an Irish dance for us! </b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b>This has been a big year for you. You have come so far and I couldn't be prouder. You have faced every challenge and succeeded and we love you for who you are and who you are becoming. You will always face challenges that a neuro-typical child will not have to master but with the tools you have learned this year and continue to learn, I know you will thrive. I hope you don't mind that I share our journey with the world. Somewhere there is a little girl or boy is facing the same challenges and I hope that our words can help give their life peace and hope. Happy Birthday my love. I can't wait to see what you do next. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuVoXlW24jAIhycvCXxmY6xsnup8NIdtAVj-t4sFTwNnCcOD7ls_aZgd4U1L_SXNp69kv0e87zqzOL7C3_mK4jloTXULrE6vREw7vMhhJZyH1ZJyUQC08a_sBiujMppjv7UMs0NejHg1U/s1600/Sophie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="844" data-original-width="1500" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuVoXlW24jAIhycvCXxmY6xsnup8NIdtAVj-t4sFTwNnCcOD7ls_aZgd4U1L_SXNp69kv0e87zqzOL7C3_mK4jloTXULrE6vREw7vMhhJZyH1ZJyUQC08a_sBiujMppjv7UMs0NejHg1U/s320/Sophie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<br />
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-9699084230874843902018-02-14T17:34:00.000-08:002018-02-15T07:43:26.130-08:00I am a teacher. I am a parent. I am a human being. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>I am a teacher.</b><br />
<br />
I have fought with my school district over and over because there is no safe place to hide children in my classroom. They gave me a piece of black construction paper to cover my window.<br />
<br />
I have sat through an unannounced lock down drill.<br />
<br />
I have sat in a dark classroom with a child sobbing silently in my lap, quietly repeating "I shouldn't have worn sparkles today. I'll never wear sparkles again." because she is not sure if this is real or not.<br />
<br />
I have looked around my quiet classroom 20 minutes into the drill and prayed that the kids could continue to stay that way. Keep quiet, keep us safe.<br />
<br />
I have had to finish the drill and get up and go back to teaching- like this is normal. The kids who goofed around are disciplined, the ones who are scared are counseled.<br />
<br />
I have come to terms with the fact that I work in a dangerous business, on the first floor, in a classroom that faces an open field. Going to work is a risk.<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I am a parent.</b><br />
<br />
I am a parent in a different district than I teach in.<br />
<br />
I pray every day that my babies will be safe. That they will have another beautiful day.<br />
<br />
A part of me breathes a sigh of relief, every time I pick them up at the end of the day. Our guardian angels have kept us safe.<br />
<br />
What a world we are bringing our kids into.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>I am a human being.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
People are hurting. People are sharing it on Facebook and people aren't responding.<br />
<br />
People need to start taking things seriously.<br />
<br />
People are in need of help and our systems to help them (people like you and me, agencies, our government) have failed them.<br />
<br />
Until these systems are fixed, this will continue to happen.<br />
<br />
Love and kindness and hope must prevail. We need to bring humanity back to our country.<br />
<br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-28140116765747973032018-02-11T04:21:00.000-08:002018-02-11T04:21:10.086-08:00Pink Cup or Blue Cup and Why We Shouldn’t Always Take Parenting Articles to Heart<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Pink
Cup or Blue Cup and Why We Shouldn’t Always Take Parenting Articles to Heart<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> When
I was newly pregnant with my first child, I read this article about the five
reasons modern day parenting was in crisis. I devoured the piece, soaking in
every word, swearing to myself that I would not commit these wrongs. The point
that resonated most with me was what she called “the Sippy Cup test.” She
surmised that if a parent filled a blue cup of milk, handed it to the toddler,
and then quickly switched the cup after that child threw a fit over the color
of said cup, it proved that the parent feared his/her child and was letting
them rule the house. I swore, that scenario would never occur in my house. I
would control the color of the cup my child drank out of at every meal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Then,
I had my daughter. Getting her to eat or drink ANYTHING was far more important
than the color cup it was in. She had bigger issues to work through. If
drinking out of only one certain pink cup calmed her to the point where she
would drink her milk (which contained crucial medicines), then we would make
sure to only offer her that cup. I struggled with this. Was I the horrible
parent the author talked about, the one who was causing a modern day parenting
crisis? Was I ruining my child? Believe me when I say, I dedicated a lot of
time and unnecessary worry on this issue. What I should have been doing is
looking beyond the cup and asking the questions, why did my daughter need this
cup? What did this tell me about her? Is the cup even the real issue?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Had
I taken the time to look beyond the color of the cup being the issue, I would
have discovered that the milk was the problem. My daughter was lactose
intolerant and drinking milk was extremely painful for her. She took the cup
because pink and purple were her favorite colors but she fought drinking the
liquid every day because her little body was screaming at her “don’t do it,
it’s bad for you!” She fought eating, not because she was trying to be picky,
but because her body was so uncomfortable there was no room for food. In an
attempt to make her gain weight, we were actually hurting her more. The cup was
the only thing she could control. It was her attempt to let us know that
something was horribly wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> I
am writing this article so that other parents, who have read similar articles,
trust their instinct instead of their eyes. While, I am not discounting that
the author had a point in her piece, there needed to be an asterisk at the end
of the article that said “this does not apply to all scenarios”. It took us a long
time to get to the bottom of our food/lack of weight gain/extreme emotional
responses to everything problem but after years of questioning doctors and
pursuing every avenue, we landed with a diagnosis of sensory processing
disorder. It all began to make sense. We had to keep her environment constant
so that she could orient herself in this scary world. Eventually, the color of
the cup, the size of the spoon, the shape of the plate, began to matter less
and what was in it mattered more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Today,
the dishwasher was dirty when we got up and my son’s normal cup was not clean.
My husband gave my son one of my daughter’s cups to drink out of and I thought
“Oh God, this is going to be ugly,” and it was at first. But, before my
daughter could reach a full blown meltdown, Brian explained why he had to use
her cup and she understood. The drama ended there. My husband and I breathed a
sigh of relief and we moved on with our day. It was just a small example of how
far we have come. It was also a great reminder to us both that if you do have
to bend on a cup for a little while, it doesn’t mean you always will have to,
or that you are a horrible parent. Sometimes, there are just bigger fish to
fry. Oh and in case you are wondering if my son threw a fit over getting a
different cup, the answer is no. He will drink from any cup you give him
because he just got up, and that kid is thirsty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-44527583159643750292017-12-31T13:01:00.002-08:002017-12-31T13:04:05.055-08:00Watering the Flowers and Other New Year's Eve Musings...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I think New Year’s Resolutions get a bad rap. </span><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">It is not the
resolution that is the problem, it is the process. For example, if you make a
goal of losing weight during the following year, you are setting yourself up
for definite failure. You will never lose weight if you don’t have an idea what
caused you to put it on in the first place. You will never achieve your New
Year’s Eve goals if you don’t dig deeper than surface level.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;"><br /> <o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 115%;">Last year I
decided to try something new. I had just started back writing and the mild
success I had achieved inspired me. I picked a theme for my resolutions. I set
out to remind myself who I was. Almost five years of being pregnant, having
babies, raising babies and going back to work had resulted in a loss of self. I
couldn’t remember who I was and what really mattered to me. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">So, I took this theme of reconnecting with my inner
self, and set out to recommit to writing and getting published, establishing a
daily yoga practice and actually hanging out with my husband and close friends.
Guess what happened? I found I had been there deep within my body the whole
time! I grew really strong, rediscovered my love of my profession, repaired
broken friendships and let others go. I wrote a book and became a blogger once
more. I listened to a lot of great music and had a lot of hard, deep talks with
myself and others. It was an amazing and challenging year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">So I have decided, since it worked so well this
year, to pick a new New Year’s Eve theme. This year, I am sharing my theme with
you because it may require your participation. This year I will focus on
watering the flowers. This is kind of an odd one for someone who is extremely
allergic to the outdoors, but it is something that has really begun to resonate
with me. Like, if I was someone who was big on tattoos, I would get it inked
somewhere. So what does it mean? In order for flowers to grow, they must be
watered and for relationships to grow, the same must be done. So that was my
focus when I sat down to write my resolutions. This will be a year spent with people.
It is also going to be a frugal year for the Ferrignos. Most nights out will
need to be free or really cheap so that we can start dumping money on our
student loans. This is a debt that weighs very heavy on Brian’s mind and one
that I would like to relieve this year. I am at peace with the fact that we
could really have them for the next 15 years but this bothers him and we need
to remedy that. His piece of mind is very important to me. So, I look forward
to spending time with all of you in creative and inexpensive ways and watching
our lives grow together this year! (I will refuse to let you pay for me. A beer/wine/coffee
or an ice cream is really cheap and a walk, run or hike is even more
inexpensive!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">Since we will be spending much more time at home,
look for an exciting new teambfsquared site that will be co-created by Brian
and me. When we were dating and married before children, we loved to go out to
dinner and spend hours talking over a glass of wine. It was our way to water
the flowers and keep our relationship growing. Now, as we set forth to get rid
of student loan debt, we are looking forward to the time at home working
together and building new memories right where we stand. I am really excited
about what we have planned and using it to showcase my first children’s book
(which is a collaboration between Jen Varn, Molly and myself) and hopefully
many more books and blog posts in the future!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 115%;">So come for a run or a walk with me! Come sit in my
back yard and share a beer or join us for dinner! Let’s watch our children play
on playgrounds and listen to free music in the park. We look forward to
watering the beautiful flowering relationships in our lives this year. We can’t
wait to see where we land next December!</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-34436477105612967852017-11-05T19:11:00.001-08:002017-11-05T19:11:48.214-08:00In the face of tragedy, we need a different plan...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We have had a very busy and exciting weekend, and all of us are lacking in the sleep department. "No songs, no books, Mommy" my son said as I finished getting him into his pj's. I asked him if I could at least rock him and he said "yes." So we sat in the rocker and did just that, rock. Eventually, I stood up with him still snuggled on my chest, and he fell asleep. He's almost 3 now, so that just doesn't happen very often anymore.<br />
<br />
A child's breath changes when they fall asleep, so I knew he was asleep before I asked Brian to look. Thumb in his mouth, his body was relaxed and heavy. I could have stayed there forever but his sister called so I took one more deep breath of his scent and placed him in his crib, taking a moment to be thankful before moving on to her.<br />
<br />
I said good night to my daughter and went downstairs to spend a few free moments catching up on Facebook. I was caught off guard. Another mass shooting. More children dead. More lives forever altered. I am glad I asked my son if it was OK to rock him tonight. I am thankful that I took the time to do so. We don't know in this day and age what is going to happen. The man, like others before him, attacked a church. Each week we take our children to a church, so that they can learn the values we hold dear. The people today were just going about their lives in a sacred space.<br />
<br />
So in the wake of another tragedy, let's change the conversation. Let's not turn it to gun debate or who qualifies as a terrorist, let's dedicate this moment in time to a better discussion. Let's concern ourselves with the arduous task of getting people to care about their neighbors again. Let's dedicate time and money to recognizing and providing assistance to those who are struggling with feelings of isolation, abandonment, fear of the unknown and loneliness. Let's not provide those same people with access to extremist groups, websites detailing how to pull off attacks and movies/television that depict events like this. Instead, let's surround them with resources to help them feel supported and cared for.<br />
<br />
In teaching we are told that some of the most difficult students are the ones who are in the most need of love. What if we looked around us and acknowledged the humanity in each person we pass on a daily basis, maybe we could prevent the next attack. Maybe, I would be able to tell my children "I love you very much," every morning when I leave for school without stifling the urge to say it another time just in case something happens today. We have to do something. This can't be come normal. Something has to give. We need to be the light in this world that is becoming darker by the second. It is our choice, and I chose to act. One hello, one hand shake, one shoulder to lean on or one "I hear you." might make all the difference in the world. </div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-46676645840988238522017-09-01T17:34:00.005-07:002017-09-01T17:34:46.117-07:00Network Spinal Analysis<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Subluxation: a distortion in your body that interferes with your health. That was a new word for me. Prior to arriving at the chiropractor, I had been unaware the word even existed, yet, here it was. It was sitting near the bottom of the glossary page in the chiropractor’s folder right before vertebra. This word would become the center of our world for the next few months and I am relieved it did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Our family has been living and breathing the world of Network Spinal Analysis Chiropractic Care for the last four months. After the initial tests, we were made aware that our daughter did not have a curve in her neck, that her lumbar spine was curved in the wrong direction (this usually takes seven years to happen), and several other physical ailments. The conversation did not stop there. We were asked about Sophie’s diet and given pointers on foods that could be causing inflammation in her already tense body. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed. We already can’t eat dairy in our house, now grains too? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We were told she would need to visit for entrainments twice a week for 24 visits. During the entrainments light pressure would be used at the ‘Spinal Gateways’, the term used to signify key access points to the nervous system, to help the body heal and return to its proper alignment. We were told this was not a normal recommendation for a child but Sophie’s subluxations were so severe, a rigorous approach was necessary. After turning over all of our “summer fun” money to the office, we began a journey that was worth every penny. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I will be honest, I was very skeptical of the whole process at first. I wasn’t sure if this was going to help Sophie at all, but we were desperate to help our child progress and several other friends with sensory children had seen marked success after seeing a network spinal analysis chiropractor. The academic in me turned to research and I found quite a lot of information on the topic. Network Spinal Analysis (NSA) was developed by Dr. Donny Epstein in 1984. It is practiced in the United States, Europe, Africa, South America, Australia and New Zealand. One article, in particular, documented how Network Spinal Analysis helps improve concentration in students who are labeled as ADHD (see Chris Lucks et al. case study for the complete research findings). This was also listed in the handouts we received during our first visit. I also learned that NSA is part of a larger approach to healing called Reorganizational Healing or ROH. In this approach to healing, a disease is not viewed as something that has to be eradicated and then set aside but an opportunity to reevaluate your body, grow from the experience and ultimately heal yourself. If done correctly, you walk away from the event stronger, healthier and wiser. This information was very interesting to me but I needed to see it with my own two eyes before I was a true believer. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So I went, questioning if I was seeing a change in Sophie because I wanted to make it worth the money or because something was actually happening. It took Sophie several visits to even lie down on the table. We had entrainments sitting up and with her lying on my stomach. Progress with Sophie can be painfully slow. I will tell you one thing, the first couple of visits ended with her wound up like a top running around the waiting room. Her nerves were definitely talking! Eventually, we made it to the large room. NSA chiropractors believe it is beneficial for people to have entrainments together. Often times our doctor will work on one patient, give them time to rest, and visit another person, and then return to the first individual. During one of Sophie’s rest times, I watched a woman have a network wave. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. Spinal waves occur when your body releases the tension and the spine is free to reorganize itself back to a healthier position. It is incredible to watch. What was even more amazing is that the doctor applied pressure and then stepped back while the body released and realigned. From that point on, I was all in. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">In 24 visits Sophie regained the curve in her neck and a more stabilized pelvis and sacrum. At the suggestion of our chiropractor, we have made a few nutritional tweaks to Sophie’s diet and are happy to say she and her newly aligned gastrointestinal system are now medicine free. Her knees are also thanking the chiropractor because the realignment of her cervical spine has improved her balance, preventing her from losing coordination in even during the most sensory overload experiences. She still has some muscle weakness that we will continue to support but we are now able to visit the doctor’s every other week instead of twice a week, which makes our bank account very happy. I now recommend this form of chiropractic care to anyone who complains about an ache or pain in front of me. I truly believe it has helped Sophie’s body heal so that all of the great work she is doing with her Occupational Therapist can really take root. Call me a believer. If we had more money, I would sign everyone in my family up to participate.</span></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-43833241433064815932017-08-17T17:38:00.000-07:002017-08-17T17:38:51.517-07:00House Rules<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Silence is never a show of support. But in the light of all of the horrible events that are occurring both in the United States and the rest of the world, I feel I am beginning to run out of useful things to say. I am shocked. I am horrified. I am appalled. I am deeply saddened for our broken world. The educator in me is always looking for a solution, something to help this not happen again. So here is my humble suggestion; I think our country and the rest of the world need to sit down, have a family meeting and create some house rules.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Our house rules started because my children were in week six of summer vacation and had spent way to much unstructured time together. They had begun to fight, hit and be mean to each other. Out of frustration, I had begun to yell. One day I looked around my house and thought, is this what I want for my children? The answer was no. So we sat down in front of our fireplace with a piece of paper and a marker and had a talk. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">What I discovered that day was that my children inherently knew how they should be behaving. They knew the kind of person I wanted them to be. Our house values were in line, we just needed to take the moment to be reminded of what mattered and recommit to our common purpose. So we created four simple rules and consequences.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rule 1: We listen when others talk.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rule 2: We play together and take turns. What we have is ours and not mine.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rule 3: We talk in calm, quiet voices.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rule 4: We help each other.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">And then we signed the paper, committing to spending our days trying to do right by our family. Since my children are small, I added an incentive to our new rules. Every time they are caught being good, they get to put a bead in the jar. Eventually that jar will be filled and a reward will be earned. Right now they are so excited to do good so that they can see the physical result and look at how that one act of kindness is helping fill a previously empty jar. They have returned to the kind, helpful versions of themselves and the tenor of my house has changed.</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">As I sat and pondered all the horror that is currently occurring in the world, I couldn’t help but think that every community needs to sit down and make some house rules. We need to be reminded of the things we should be doing and then have someone catch us in the act. Daily on Facebook and in the mainstream media we are negatively reinforcing the horrible acts of violence people are committing all over the country while thousands of good deeds go unsung. Let’s give our children examples of the goodness that still exists in the world so that they have something to follow, the shoulds instead of the should-nots. Let’s positively reinforce the right instead of reinforcing the wrong. So that if our children accidentally open our Facebook feed they will see that kindness, openness, fairness is newsworthy and evil deeds are worth looking at twice. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Mr. Rodgers said “When I was a boy and would see scary things on the news my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers- so many caring people in the world.”</span></span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-f5ca2b9d-f2c6-305f-abd5-e70639c9a323"></span></span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.3800000000000001; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: white;">Maybe if we all made our house rules and day by day added beads to our jars, we could change the world for good. Our current approach is certainly not working so maybe it is time to sit down with our pens and papers and try something new.</span></span></div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-63439639575638111972017-07-18T17:30:00.001-07:002018-06-09T11:12:47.339-07:00The Funny Similarities between the Renovation Process and Living with Sensory Processing Disorders...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h1 style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
</h1>
<div class="m_9153887686651705642entry" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Raising a child with sensory processing disorder is like spending your entire life renovating a house. Renovating a house is a huge undertaking; it can sometimes be really messy and ugly and occasionally, your work uncovers a rare gem that would never had been discovered if you hadn’t started pulling back the layers of wallpaper in that &@#^ dining room! </span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-c7f7543a-5872-9922-641a-dc1ad58d97ee" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In my experience, all renovations go through certain phases that are rather similar to what we have experienced on our sensory journey. Renovations begin with the stage I like to call, “the lofty goals time period.” During this time period the renovator looks around, makes a lot of notes and says to him/herself “Yeah, I can do this! This will be a piece of cake!” The renovator creates a timeline for the project, presents it to his/her spouse/partner/friend and says This will be way better and cheaper than if we hire someone!” The partner is skeptical that this project will turn out the way it is being sold but her loved one’s enthusiasm sways her and in a show of support she says “Ok! Let’s do it!” When our daughter was diagnosed with SPD my husband and I looked at each other and said, “Now that we know what this is, we can fix this.” “We’ll get this under control and be on our way to a blissful child raising experience in no time!” Our friends in the special education field told us “She’s so smart, she’ll only need an IEP for 6 months!” Two years and many IEP revisions, additional services, glasses, other diagnoses later, I can’t help but look back at my naive self and shake my head. </span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Enter stage two of the renovation or what I like to call the re-evaluating your plan and timeline stage. This particular phase of the project</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> involves a lot of research, trips to Home Depot, calling friends and possibly other handymen to help, lots of late nights and an abundance of cursing. Y</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">ou have pulled down the wall paper in the dining room only to find there are four more layers and you think…”No one would really notice if I just paint over this right??” You look around your demolished upstairs and tell your very pregnant wife that the baby’s room might take longer to prepare than you thought and promise that the baby and your mother in law will have a place to sleep before the baby arrives. It is at this time that the non-renovating partner looks around the mess in his/her house and thinks “Why the h--- is this taking so long? It can’t be that complicated?” You, the renovator, begin to consider giving up and just hiring someone to do the job. Is the sense of accomplishment really worth all of this hassle? But you dig deep and with the support of friends, amazing professionals and unlimited access to DIY videos on you tube, you decide not to quit and forge ahead. </span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In our parallel SPD world, this second stage occurs after you have your diagnosis and your child is set up with services. Quickly your providers beginning to notice things and all hope of this processing being a quick detour off the child rearing path you always planned for are shot. The professionals begin to comment on her eye tracking, notice that she doesn’t cross the mid line and ponder on the fact that the behavior they witness at home is not what they see in the therapy session. You begin to get frustrated so you buy books and read every page. You join online support groups, searching for help and as a last ditch attempt to put the picture of your child completely together you start seeking alternative therapies. And then one day you find yourself at a very Eastern medicine workshop holding jars of herbs buying into what the nutritionist is saying and you stop and look around and think, never in a million years did I think I would end up here! But, here you are and you are committed to do whatever it takes to help your child succeed and feel comfortable in his/her skin. </span></div>
<span style="color: white;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Finally comes the home stretch. This is the most satisfying stage of a renovation. (It is also the time in our life that usually coincides with a move to a new home and new projects.) You have done your best, you have asked for help with the aspects of the project you couldn’t do yourself and you are generally pleased with the results. You know that soon there will be another project that will absorb your nights and weekends but for one brief moment you pause and admire your work and pat yourself on the back. For a sensory processing parent this phase occurs when your child achieves something two months, two weeks, or two days ago he or she couldn’t do. When your therapist looks at you and says he/she can’t get over the progress your child is making and how far she has come. When the warmth of pride and tear inducing joy bubbles up inside of you and you begin to let yourself think that maybe everything will be alright. We have all been there and while we know that more than likely tomorrow or the next day will contain a setback of some level, for one moment we can step back and look at our beautiful child and appreciate the hard work that has been done to help his/her light shine bright. And now, that one project is finished or one milestone has finally be achieved, we will check it off our list and turn our attention to the next goal because time is short and there is a lot of work to be done.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
<span style="background-color: #f3f3f3;"><img class="CToWUd" height="1" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEjkc80QQqe2K0Y4WMBGuj5b_XhZI_xONCjgrg185ew-AyTd6zqZq1eHd2kmZshPgx9yswAK2E0p3H-8d25ar5T8h31yAa37nHHck2v_NuLZAF22HIsjVqivQG8wUM4093g3Pms6ZyCBIfX6U47XuAFrF6XKgLe2y-AOvNE3uPvRqOG4jx94sOXHtv17_zhhNtC_vRJ5jg=s0-d-e1-ft&id=1d6c81083bae4eeeb5ea9bde38bca3d8" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" width="1" /></span></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-88444730406129932662017-07-11T12:18:00.001-07:002017-07-11T12:18:11.504-07:00There Might Be Lobsters<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
One of the best parts of parenthood is imparting your love of great literature onto your children. There is nothing better than watching your children fall in love with a book and beg to hear it again and again until they have the whole thing memorized. It's even better when the book they are currently obsessed with is one you adore too. Enter <i>There Might Be Lobsters</i> by Carolyn Crimi and illustrated by Laurel Molk. It is a story about a fearful dog named Sukie, her continually exasperated but patient owner and Sukie's pet monkey Chunky Monkey. Told through the voice of Sukie, you begin to understand how anxiety works and how amazing it feels when you are forced to overcome that fear and do something that truly scares you. Sophie and I have read this story many times this week and it has been the basis of a lot of great conversations as she conquers one of her own great fears- the swimming pool.<br />
<br />
<img alt="Product Details" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61RZW3yjFKL._AC_US218_.jpg" /><br />
<br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-34334493637884318302017-06-27T17:41:00.000-07:002017-06-27T17:41:09.151-07:00Network Spinal Analysis<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhencEMpBqczi0sFhCKwOtIgHqNDwxLpJwWkOrosv5MQtmYABA-5MAFWUb_PeDTqANlNDzwmopRg_WbG28fH-P5W5_TWGFJUpXmGwxIpi31YhENlMc3XMoUQpYFdD0CM9ILa5ycGTj1h5I/s1600/20160415_181447.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhencEMpBqczi0sFhCKwOtIgHqNDwxLpJwWkOrosv5MQtmYABA-5MAFWUb_PeDTqANlNDzwmopRg_WbG28fH-P5W5_TWGFJUpXmGwxIpi31YhENlMc3XMoUQpYFdD0CM9ILa5ycGTj1h5I/s320/20160415_181447.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByH0MMLLMRElHAJ_wRBplY5fBxiE22bjClIQdhdv92KIAYiWe7n7F057KsjUFnHc36RqOWrZfdVMbLRNdIwzyHxV6SqbKvGZQtnI9jH7NMmCWoYfOsECDDQeOZRmIMbLWeNQk6lQgmGg/s1600/20170627_163209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijOOmusRETasYyJUSIxroKbHH-gju52nya-Jqi2U7dX6B1jsXjoPt5S6XtLC1ZrooUVxwv0RLitYyJtls26cRLkKit9BGJ3jMo_oPwdU9EKJBoybH_mP-D-1Nkehd33XlcUApCSrdC4r8/s1600/20170627_163148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijOOmusRETasYyJUSIxroKbHH-gju52nya-Jqi2U7dX6B1jsXjoPt5S6XtLC1ZrooUVxwv0RLitYyJtls26cRLkKit9BGJ3jMo_oPwdU9EKJBoybH_mP-D-1Nkehd33XlcUApCSrdC4r8/s1600/20170627_163148.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
A year ago Sophie was only able to have a pixie haircut. She had to have short hair because there were spots all over her head where she was bald. It just wouldn't grow. Then last July the pieces began to fall into place. We uncovered her lactose intolerance and she began to eat. Slowly her body responded to the changes and began to get the nutrients it so desperately needed. Hair began to grow.<br />
<br />
November came and she finally had access to OT and PT services that brought balance to her always out of kilter body. She no longer needed to pull her hair in order to relieve her anxiety. The bald spots began to fill in. We hadn't figured out all of Sophie's pieces yet but the world was becoming a less scary place.<br />
<br />
Two months ago, a fellow SPD mom messaged me about the wonders of chiropractic care and nutrition response testing. I found a chiropractic office that did both and we began the next step in our journey to support Sophie.<br />
<br />
Today I divided Sophie's whole head of hair in two and gave her pigtails "like Abby Cadaby." She wore a short sleeved shirt with itchy wings and grinned from ear to ear. She has been waiting for years to have those pig tails. I may have shed a tear as I looked at her. All I could think was, "look how far we've come..."<br />
<br />
We are now firm believers in Network Spinal Analysis Chiropractic care. It has changed our life for the better. I have decided to spend part of my summer collecting information on and writing about this particular branch of chiropractic medicine. I hope what I post will be helpful to everyone and especially those families who love someone with SPD. We will always have tough days but when I look at how much hair Sophie has grown in one year, I know we are on the right path.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByH0MMLLMRElHAJ_wRBplY5fBxiE22bjClIQdhdv92KIAYiWe7n7F057KsjUFnHc36RqOWrZfdVMbLRNdIwzyHxV6SqbKvGZQtnI9jH7NMmCWoYfOsECDDQeOZRmIMbLWeNQk6lQgmGg/s1600/20170627_163209.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByH0MMLLMRElHAJ_wRBplY5fBxiE22bjClIQdhdv92KIAYiWe7n7F057KsjUFnHc36RqOWrZfdVMbLRNdIwzyHxV6SqbKvGZQtnI9jH7NMmCWoYfOsECDDQeOZRmIMbLWeNQk6lQgmGg/s320/20170627_163209.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-3799685942390731002017-06-11T11:14:00.000-07:002017-06-11T11:14:30.510-07:00A PSA from your friendly neighborhood choral music teacher...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hello there! It’s me! The person you instantaneously tell
your music horror stories to the minute you learn that I have a university degree
in the subject! Even the adults who work with my children preface every singing
activity with “don’t listen to me- I have a horrible voice.” I want you to lean
in close and listen very carefully- you don’t! Gasp! Believe me when I tell you, the ones who
are apologizing for their instrument, usually have no reason to do so. Here is
where the problem lies. By yourself, you actually have a great voice! The out
of tune rendition of “Happy Birthday,” that ends with an apologetic shrug and a
frantic glance around the room to make sure no one recorded it; has little to
do with the quality of your voice and everything to do with your ear not being
trained to match another person’s pitch. Great singers listen to each other;
amazing singers listen to everything and use their ears to strengthen the
technique they have worked so hard to achieve. There are very few people in
this world who couldn’t become great singers with a few vocal lessons and a lot
of singing in groups. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But here’s the thing. Singing is like weight. Your children
don’t notice you have a flabby belly until you point it out and they don’t realize
that you can’t sing like Lady Gaga until you flag your flaws. I am no Indina
Menel but I love to sing and do it as often as possible around the house. And
guess what, my children could care less! My kids ask my husband and me to sing
their favorite songs and then they joyfully join in! So sing! Don’t let any
child know you are less than perfect- teach them what a release it is to belt
out your favorite songs in the car, while washing dishes or changing diapers.
Why is this so important? Well, singing, like exercising, has health benefits.
I would quote the stats from any number of peer reviewed music journals but I
can hear you over there thinking “well, they have to say that, it’s their job!”
so instead, I found an article in a magazine most of us are familiar with- <i>Prevention</i>. It says that singing “helps
you to bond with others and make connections,” that it is thought to “improve
your heart rate variability or the amount of time between heartbeats” and most
importantly “helps curb snoring and may help people with asthma.” If you don’t
believe me, check it out! <a href="http://www.prevention.com/health/6-health-benefits-of-singing">www.prevention.com/health/6-health-benefits-of-singing</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever you do; sing frequently. The more you do it, the
better you will get! Don’t wait until karaoke and several adult beverages are
involved. It may help your health, it may make your children more confident in
their own abilities and it will certainly guarantee that the music educators like
me aren’t left singing alone.</div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-62175371584861354832017-05-16T18:34:00.003-07:002017-05-16T18:34:52.799-07:00Mother's Day thoughts...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
Part of me wants to have another child. There, I said it.
But, I want that child not because I think we can afford it or my marriage can
survive another human in our already crazy life but because I want those
hospital pictures. It sounds insane but it reminds me that I am still
recovering from having a premature baby.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to experience consciously leaving my older children
behind to go have the baby. I want to kiss them goodbye and tell them that the
next time they see me; our family will be one person larger. I want my family
to dress my daughter and son up and bring them to the hospital so that we can
get that one perfect picture. You know the one I am talking about; the one
where the older siblings are sitting in the hospital chair or on my bed- I am
not that particular, with their feet sticking out and their new sibling
stretched across their laps. That beautiful moment in time captured while we
are all still in the hospital. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those moments were stolen from me because my son was born
six weeks early. I left our house frantic in the middle of the night hoping
that this was all a surreal nightmare. My son met his sister for the first time
at our house, two weeks after his birth. She wasn’t allowed to enter the special
care nursery because of her young age and his convenient arrival during the
middle of flu season. To be honest, I am not sure I would have wanted her to
visit her brother in his clear isolate surrounded by wires, beeps and hustling
nurses. I think it would have scared her.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have to let that dream go. I have to accept that the
sadness I feel is attached to the trauma of giving birth and raising a
premature baby. This deep ache is part of the healing process and that we are
lucky to have ended up with two healthy children and plenty of pictures of them
sitting side by side grinning at the camera with their feet sticking out. I
have two legs to sit on and two arms to squeeze with and all of them are
filled. It is enough until someone posts that perfect picture and the ache
starts all over again. </div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-91726548342874569082017-04-23T12:20:00.002-07:002017-04-23T12:54:45.730-07:00Therapies work and miracles happen!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have been a little quiet on the blog front recently and that is mainly because I have been hard at work on pieces for a variety of sites. I have also been just enjoying life. Spring break provided us with a week of much needed down time. During this last week the kids have been able to rest and recharge. Sophie system is finally back regulated and we are able to enjoy our lovable, clever and musical child once again. I couldn't be happier. February and March were full of turmoil and we have had to make some agonizing decisions regarding her OT services and dietary needs. Now that we have made our changes, I feel like we are ready to move forward. Apparently, Sophie has been feeling the same way.<br />
Sophie has a moderate gross motor delay. It is exasperated by her sensory disorder. This amazing combination results in a child with a lot of energy who has no idea where her feet when she is excited and an extreme fear of any unknown motor based activity. No swings, no high slides, no bridges, tunnels, carousels, rides and the list could go on and on. Enter PT and OT. (Especially PT). Now my child jumps off steps and will get on a swing (although she will only be on one where her feet touch the ground). I have begun to stop holding my breath when Sophie moves and am entertaining the idea that she might be able to play on the playground with her friends one day without adult support.<br />
<br />
Then, this week, we went to the trampoline park and she did this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxeaBo52kW4JqNPtecLVJVGGe12s8ksRUSdsAuN8AgXi86L-CnYkCOoej6ABdronS610sNEpmRxVqHt2Ui6Zw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Even Isaac says in the video "Deeter, jump!" I may have had to fight back tears. I am sure everyone around me at Sky Zone must have thought I was nuts on Friday but this is a miracle. I was afraid we might never get here. If we go again, she may decide not to jump but now I know she has it in her. Therapies work. She even scraped her knee while jumping, let me put a band-aid on (that Sky Zone provided!) and then went back to having fun. She promptly followed up reaching this milestone with letting me push her on a swing for the first time in her life! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Did we have set backs this week? Absolutely. On the first day of break she fell while running and obliterated her knee. That was followed by a day of limping, begging to be carried and a day of sobbing when I made her take her band-aid off. But we are better prepared to handle these issues and she has an easier time recovering now. I hope with the change of OT and additional nutritional support our family will gather even more tools to help Sophie on her journey. With hard work and dogged determination, miracles do happen. So if you are a family slogging through your sensory journey, please know that days like this are ahead. Just make sure you have your video camera ready. </div>
<br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-193533029299363012017-03-11T11:39:00.001-08:002017-03-19T18:55:22.662-07:00Real talk about sensory sickness<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sickness. Let's get real about it. In your average sensory regulated child, it sucks. Cold? Terrible. Stomach bug? The worst. Now put that in a child whose sensory synapses are wired to code red all of the time?? Well, let me tell you, it is a world like no other. It is kine of like living through the apocalypse only to find out that means you are one of the few people left to fight the zombies. I am 100% sure I did not sign up to be that person, yet, here I am now!<br />
<br />
How do you know you are living through the post sickness life? Let's consult the checklist...<br />
1. Has not returned to a normal bathroom cycle?- check!<br />
2. Is acting like a complete lunatic when she needs to enter a bathroom?- check!<br />
3. Sees her mother and runs screaming because she knows Mommy is going to make her sit on the potty?- check!!<br />
4. Has to be wrestled into pjs because he has decided sleeping butt naked in 10 degree weather is better for her than avoiding hypothermia?- check and check!<br />
<br />
Living the dream people. Living the dream!<br />
<br />
Oh and by the way, if you are the person who so graciously shared your stomach bug with my child, I would like you to sign up for a shift on the sensory train. It only seems fair.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-15650716518563748292017-03-05T17:04:00.001-08:002017-03-05T17:04:53.956-08:00I wish<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I wish...<br />
<br />
I wish that my daughter's IEP came with a budget for alcohol and chocolate because that would help us out a lot.<br />
<br />
I wish that people could be here to witness her meltdowns. That they could watch as she hits me, like she did tonight so people would stop being so shocked that something is wrong.<br />
<br />
I wish I had someone with me all the time who could tell me what to do on nights like these because I am at a loss and I don't want them to continue. We have been to a behavior therapist and a GI and no one has helped.<br />
<br />
I wish the phrase "Mommy, I need you" didn't strike such dread in my heart.<br />
<br />
I wish I was able to spend more time divided evenly between my children so I was assured that Isaac felt he got equal attention.<br />
<br />
I wish we had started this whole process when she was 2 so she would have gotten help focused around the home. We would have been given more strategies.<br />
<br />
I wish we knew what the food trigger was that causes her to want to poop and not want to poop.<br />
<br />
I wish I wasn't so tired.<br />
<br />
I wish so many good days didn't end in such disruption.</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-23354863097087620472017-03-03T16:53:00.000-08:002017-03-03T16:53:57.680-08:00One step at a time...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When Isaac was in the NICU there was a pivotal day. He had gone several days without "bradys" and the medical team said that once he had gone 7 days without one, he would be cleared to go home. I excitedly said to my baby "you hear that? You might go home early!" Our seasoned nurse heard this conversation and went to the attending on duty.<br />
<br />
Now, if you haven't had the lovely opportunity of having a child in the NICU, there is an important fact to understand about all of this. The nurses are not allowed to leave their stations unattended. So my nurse stepped across the aisle to have this hushed conversation. Being a teacher, I am well versed in the behind the hand hallway conversation and instantly knew they were talking about me. A few short minutes later the head neonatal doctor came over to talk to me about Isaac's progress. Long story short; even if he mastered his brady's in 7 days, he had a lot more work to do before exiting the nursery. He was making forward progress but it was going to take the expected length of time.<br />
<br />
Today I felt the same way about Sophie's progress. We have been so excited about all of the great things she has been achieving that this set back has been devastating to us. We needed to have someone step across the aisle and let us down easy. To remind us that this is a long journey and even though many things are exciting right now, we need to pace ourselves because this is going to be a long haul. </div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-70243821276715931262017-02-26T17:18:00.002-08:002017-02-26T17:18:55.639-08:00Tomorrow will take care of itself.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"Just take one day at a time."<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"It's a process."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"It will all work out."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All of these sayings are adages that are supposed to make us feel better. Instead, they often end up leaving the receiver of these well meant phrases feeling a little unsettled. See, deep down that person understands that all of these helpful phrases end with the realization that one day you will have to cross that bridge and deal with the problem. Cue the sinking feeling of impending doom and stomach knots. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Today I was given the solution to the "just take one day at a time" problem. Today, in the middle of a quiet church I was told to not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. I tried to hold onto the author's name but of course somewhere in the mix of getting my two children through mass and home, the verse escaped me. I believe it was Matthew. But in the post break world most of us are re-entering tomorrow, I thought it was perfect. "Do not worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself." Oh the release! I was released from moving forward to quickly. I was released from my to do list today that mainly consisted of preparations for tomorrow. I was released from worrying about what challenges lay ahead. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Just live in today. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's amazing the things you can learn when you take a moment, sit in silence and really listen. Enjoy the moment and don't worry, tomorrow will take care of itself.</div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-30034036521662654022017-02-25T12:08:00.003-08:002017-02-25T12:14:27.829-08:00Six truths I have learned on my sensory processing journey...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The last 10 months have seemed like a sprint at the end of a marathon. You are already exhausted from your extended run but somehow you dig deep so the guy next to you doesn't beat you to the finish line. It has been a long three years of questioning and doctors and suggestions that didn't work and now that we have answers, we feel like we are sprinting to make up for lost time before we potentially lose support in Kindergarten. As we gulp our water and run like our hair is on fire, we have discovered a few truths about sensory processing disorder. I felt like this was a great place to share them.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth # 1:</div>
<div>
Kids with sensory processing disorder can be very verbal. My daughter scored 40 points above the average child in her age bracket on the verbal tests but is just learning how to communicate things like hunger and bathroom needs. She needs prompting to make eye contact and say hello to peers and adults. She talks constantly (every moment of her waking day) at home but is just beginning to speak in school and new situations. She is much more comfortable when her brother is with her. So having a huge vocabulary or being able to talk the ear off of someone when she is in a comfortable situation is one of her strengths that we are utilizing on this sensory processing journey.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth # 2</div>
<div>
Many kids with sensory processing disorder are very anxious beings. My daughter does not like to try anything new until she watches someone she trusts do it first. She does not dive head long into a ball pit or run up to new children to play with them. She stands quietly and observes. If I try to push her, she will freak out. But if she does it on her own terms, she will quietly tip toe into a new situation. There are many things she is anxious about including getting her hands dirty, going to the bathroom, new clothes, capris, 3/4 length sleeves and foods that are squishy. The list goes on and on but for the sake of time, I will move on.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth # 3</div>
<div>
Kids with sensory processing disorder can be very quiet. When she was diagnosed, we were told SPD kids fall usually into two categories- fight or flight. My daughter is a flight risk. So when faced with a sensory problem, she is much more apt to melt into the background and disappear than she is to pitch a fit. Especially in public. Especially when she does not have someone with her who she feels completely comfortable with. She saves her meltdowns for home. If you drove past our house some mornings when it is time to get her dressed (see anxiety over wearing capris), you might get a different view of our world. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth #4</div>
<div>
Sensory Processing Disorder can make some children extremely compassionate and caring people. It also makes some kids completely unaware of other people's needs because the internal distraction is just too much. There is just not one version of a child with sensory needs. Even in the same family the sensory needs might be different. Just as with non SPD kids, every child with SPD is different. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth # 5</div>
<div>
It takes children with Sensory Processing Disorder longer to bounce back from being sick. If you think about your own personal experience with illness, you will find that it takes a few days to get back on your feet after a stomach bug. Now, imagine your whole body is a raw nerve and any slight change is upsetting. Throw a stomach bug on top of that and you can picture the damage it does. We are two weeks out from a stomach bug and finally beginning to return to our normal. It is a very long journey and we are lucky we are normally healthy. Post sickness aftershock is worse than the original bug.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Truth #6</div>
<div>
In my opinion, this is the most important one. Sensory Processing Disorder is something my daughter will have her whole life. Her internal wiring will not magically realign itself to be like child without this disability. The work we are doing now will help her to feel better in her own body and help her manage herself in a loud and unpredictable world. As she grows, her needs will change and we will need to make adjustments. We will teach her new coping skills and give her the support she needs to thrive. At some point, most people will forget that this is something she even has. That is our goal. But, in all honesty, she will always be a child with this disorder and it will shape who she is in amazing and challenging ways.</div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-60631779190901823012017-02-24T11:47:00.001-08:002017-02-24T11:47:15.564-08:00Triggers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I sit in front of this keyboard and reflect on the last week of vacation, the thought crosses my mind that I might be one of my daughter's sensory triggers. I've never thought about it before but a series of events have left me with this nagging feeling that it might be true. A meeting I sat in where the people present talked about how far the mother had come and how she used to trigger the behaviors in the child. My return to my house after a morning away triggers an emotional meltdown and a comment from my husband "but she has been fine all day until you got home." A return to constipation and what I affectionately refer to as a kicking potty sessions during our week of vacation. Meltdowns on the mornings I am home and take her to school and most recently an article that says moments of stress can result in constipation in children on the autism spectrum. Excellent. So great. It warms the heart. <br />
<br />
It is hard to be the one person your sensory child always needs because it requires you to be their rock. Their calm in the storm. To be honest, I should have handed that job off this week to someone else and run far away. My own stress and worries did not put me in a mindset to settle and be zen like. I currently do not have the strength to breath deeply and speak calmly. So I have been triggering chaos because my child is still recovering from the stomach bug that ended almost two weeks ago and that means she is fighting pooping like it is her mortal enemy.<br />
<br />
I guess this is part of the process. Acknowledging that you are a piece of the problem. Now it is time to work on my own coping skills so that I can be a better mother to my beautiful and complicated child. Maybe it begins with learning how to breath deeply.</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-91242008279216304662017-02-22T20:18:00.000-08:002017-02-22T20:39:08.642-08:00It takes a village...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Every parent has heard the old adage "It takes a village to raise a child." While I believe that is true, I think the same saying can be applied to parenting. It takes a village to prop up a parent so he/she is able to do right by their child.<br />
<br />
Today is a perfect example. Today, was a rough day. The post stomach bug world we are living in right now is harsh. All of the progress we have made around my daughter's bathroom issues has dissipated and I am back spending my days being screamed at and kicked while my child does everything in her power to avoid having a bowel movement. It is 11:30 pm and I just found my sock, which I have been looking for since 4 pm, shoved behind a pack of wipes on the toilet tank in the kids' bathroom. I went out to play with the kids post nap wearing only one sock because I couldn't find it. Needless to say, life is far from Norman Rockwell serene.<br />
<br />
But, over the past few years, I have built myself a village. Through out the day that village has appeared and provided the support I needed. A little humor, a little love and a lot of reminders that we are actually good at the most important job in the world. Raising our children. Yes, my son almost fell asleep at the lunch table because I was dealing with his sister. Yes, the only food I got into my daughter today was cheerios, raisins and grapes. (I am also acutely aware that for some of you that would be an amazing eating day). But with everyone's support, we survived and in some moments thrived. My beautiful, complicated child made a basket in her new basketball hoop and played soccer with her brother; two things that would not have occurred just a mere three months ago. Friends shared their stories and reminded us that we are all in this together. My husband and I once again looked at each other across the dinner table and attempted to convince ourselves that we are indeed raising good people. Sometimes, it just takes a village to reassure oneself of that fact. </div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-81315394680097755122017-02-22T04:21:00.003-08:002017-02-22T04:26:01.268-08:00I hear you.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
During the first week home from the hospital, my daughter, for two nights, refused to sleep laying down. My husband was working so my mother and I took 3 hour shifts holding her in the rocker. She slept and we struggled to stay awake. My mother said the rosary and I surfed the internet. Somewhere in the middle of one of those nights I posted on Facebook. I jokingly begged someone to take a shift of this round the clock vigil. A woman I knew a long time ago, who was struggling with infertility, told me to stop whining. That she would take my situation in a heart beat. Ironically, she now has a child who doesn't sleep and vents her frustrations on Facebook. I refrain from saying anything. But in that moment, I took her comment to heart and never spoke out about our problems again.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
See, in the middle of the night that plea to Facebook was a cry for help. Even as a new mother of a week old baby, I knew something was wrong. Every maternal and teacher fiber of my being was screaming, DO SOMETHING!!! THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!! Breastfed babies don't spit up this much, breastfed babies gain weight, children don't cry all of the time! Fast forward three years, my daughter is lactose intolerant, has a sensory diagnosis and an IEP. We have a path and she is thriving. So when I see a plea on Facebook now, I usually message the mother and say trust your gut. If you feel like there is something wrong, push for answers. Even when the doctors say nothing is wrong, keep fighting. Someone will hear you. Someone will help. I will help if I can. I hear you. Sometimes, that is all a person needs.</div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-86341715090299882792017-02-21T17:57:00.002-08:002017-02-21T17:57:36.798-08:00Eating on the edge...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Some people eat when they get stressed. I drink when I am stressed and eat when I am uneasy and can't quite put my finger on what is causing the feeling. For some reason, thousands of calories helps me locate the exact point of origin for that nagging feeling I am experiencing.<br />
<br />
I deciphered the basis for my edge today as I was stuffing the last of the cookies in my face. People we know are getting divorced. Multiple couples, who appeared to have solid relationships, are calling it quits. We have danced at their weddings, celebrated their anniversaries and spent many a date night with them sharing dinner. Today we are picking who we get in the divorce. Worst of all, I have found out about all of them via Facebook. Someone has posted a picture and he/she is not wearing a wedding ring. One quick text later and my fear is confirmed. A quick march up to my husband's 3rd floor office and we check another couple off our list of potential double dates or someone to visit with our children.<br />
<br />
Everything about this situation makes me feel old and unconnected to people I care about. Most of all, it makes me really sad. We have all been married long enough to be that broken and be that far beyond repair. We are separated by miles and stuff and we don't talk on a daily basis. Eventually, I find out about their milestones on Facebook and that triggers my date with anything resembling a sweet or a snack. In that moment, I wonder, how did we get here? This was never in the plans. What do we do now? I worry about my marriage on a daily basis but the truth is, hubs is stuck with me until the day he dies. I have told him that over and over again. I love him all of the time, like him nearly 100% of the time and most importantly, I refuse to share the kids. I don't share well. But as the couples around us crumble, we have to take a moment to pause, cling to each other a bit tighter and pray that one day we are not the ones sharing our tragedy with the world via a single Facebook picture.<br />
<br /></div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4207289128069164726.post-20328590780555265152017-02-12T13:00:00.001-08:002017-02-12T13:00:02.912-08:00My mouth hurts! The secret language that exists for verbal SPD kids.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">"She kept putting her hands in her mouth all afternoon and I
kept telling her to stop." My babysitter said as I rounded the corner into
daycare to find my daughter covered in vomit and our day care provider mopping
her kitchen floor. "Then she told me her mouth hurt and the next thing I
knew she was vomiting. She never told me her stomach was upset!" "Oh,"
I said as I took the whole scene in. "I thought I told you. That is how
she tells you her stomach hurts. " <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">My daughter
started talking very young and since that time the statement "my mouth
hurts" has resulted in a quick dash to grab something for her to get sick
in and a great sense of dread for what lies ahead. It use to happen quite
frequently but since her system has finally regulated itself and she no longer
goes a week without having a bowel movement, we have gone 6 months without
hearing those dreaded words. So I had relaxed and forgotten to mention that one
piece of information to our new day care provider. And so, on a Thursday
afternoon, here I am face to face with a vomit covered sobbing child who
doesn't like to get dirty and doesn't like changing her clothes and an annoyed
day care provider who now has to spend her evening disinfecting her kitchen. Great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I have spent her
whole life learning how to speak my daughter's language. Her mouth hurts
translates to stomach aches, something itching means that she is uncomfortable
in a situation and is in sensory overload. Sitting quiet and still means that the
room is too loud and she has stepped inward to manage her sensory input, which
is protesting.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>See there is a
unique problem when your child is so verbal that she has an adult's vocabulary
but cannot find the words to articulate her internal needs. The older she gets
the more I am beginning to think it has less to do with locating the correct
words and instead is connected with the fact that the descriptions we non- SPD
people use do not apply to how it feels in her body. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So the question
is, do you embrace her verbiage or do you correct it to be one that others
understand? Lately I’ve been thinking that I may just leave that decision up
to her. As her mother, I speak her native tongue and while that seems like a
foreign language to me, it is the one she was born with. In order to live and
support the life that is most uniquely hers, I must accept how she views and
talks about the world. I liken it to traveling abroad. As I prepared to travel
to Italy, I took the time to learn Italian. When I arrived, I was by no means
fluent but I was able to communicate. Part of this SPD journey has included
learning a new language and accepting it as equal to the one I speak. When the
time comes, I will let my daughter decide if she wants to learn how to
translate her thoughts into the native language of her peers or if she wants to
continue to speak in her own way and let in only others that support that
decision. In the mean time, I will keep translating for the adults around
her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Team BF Squaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01191980723317368688noreply@blogger.com0